This Miso Cauliflower Bake Healed My Childhood Trauma

Is there anything pasta can't fix?

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As a vegetarian kid growing up in the 90s, the culinary landscape was kind of…bleak.

We’re talking about an era before any vegetarian (let alone vegan) options existed in the supermarket. My Mum, determined to find us some convenient protein, would buy this packet mix (think suspiciously greasy sawdust) from a mail-order catalog. You added water to it, then squeezed and moulded it to form burgers/sausages/a bust of Queen Elizabeth II, which you would then cook and eat. To this day I can remember the film of fat it left behind on the roof of your mouth, which stayed there for a full day, if not longer.

But the perks of being “The Vegetarian Kid” really peaked whenever you were away from home. Specifically, when you went to a mate’s for tea (read dinner for anyone not from the north of England). I’d sense the parental panic from the second I was slipping off my shoes, pots clanging in the kitchen and the house filled with the sulphurous smell of over-cooked brassicas. Immediately, I’d know what was coming. It was cauliflower cheese. Again.

Me, probably about 5, just glad it’s not cauliflower cheese again

I’m showing my age here, but I don’t think many of you youngsters know how bad people used to be at cooking vegetables. Specifically cauliflower. As a society, we’ve definitely been on a collective learning curve in this department. But as a fun little exercise, I’d like you to imagine that you’re a child again, ravenous from a day of Tamagotchi training and doing Spice Girls Kicks in the playground. And there it is. Your dinner. Cauliflower cheese which appears to have been pressure cooked for the entire ten years you’ve been on the planet. Cooked until it literally changed physical state from a solid to a liquid and now to some sort of…plasma?? Texture: mulched paper. Colour: corpse grey. Flavour: wet farts.

But here’s the miracle. I sit here now, twenty-odd years later, as a self-confessed cauliflower lover. Any cauliflower-shaped trauma I might have picked up in childhood has long since disappeared, thanks to my concerted efforts at exposure therapy. I’ve been determined to reclaim cauliflower cheese for years, and I’m pleased to say that 1. I’ve finally nailed it, and 2. The recipe is in this week’s newsletter!

Now, let me tell you why my recipe is better than regular cauliflower cheese.

1. The cauliflower is cooked properly! Par-boiled for a strict 5 minutes before being roasted to perfection. It keeps just enough bite to be satisfying, without turning to mush!

2. There’s pasta in it! It’s half-way between cauliflower cheese and a pasta bake! This serves two purposes, because pasta is not only delicious and satisfying, but it also helps to soak up any excess water released by the cauli while it bakes. As such, your bake will never be watery! Just rich and creamy!

3. There’s white beans in it! Also known as cannellini beans, I pop these guys into anything that needs a little nutritional assistance. The beans, with their extra protein and fibre, make this feel like a much more rounded meal that you can eat with a spoon straight out of the dish without an ounce of shame.

4. It’s also obviously vegan. But I’ve managed to make it taste so insanely cheesy without relying on any store-bought vegan cheeses. vegan cheeses are fine (sometimes) but as a recipe developer, they’re annoying because they vary in flavour and texture from brand to brand. So instead I’ve used my magic combo of store-cupboard ingredients to bring that tangy cheesy kick (all of which you can find in the recipe!)

Hurrah! Cauliflower cheese, reclaimed! I’ve popped the recipe at the bottom of this newsletter and I’ve included a downloadable, printable PDF too, for anyone who prefers to avoid screens/the internet while cooking.

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Weekly Wrap

Here’s some stuff that happened this week.

The Fermented Tomatoes Took AGES

Last week I told you about my latest fermentation project (cherry tomatoes) and I was hoping to have an update for you here but BOY have these little buggers been lazy. The signs of fermentation (namely gas production) didn’t kick in until THIS MORNING, which is over a week since I first jarred them up. As such, I haven’t used them for anything yet, so no hot sauce/relish recipe for you yet. I suspect maybe my kitchen has been too cold?? Who knows. I’m no scientist. Suggestions on a postcard/in the comments please!

I Made The Easiest Roasted Peanut Sauce

The vast majority of what I eat, on a daily basis, is just stuff-on-rice. Sometimes it’s stuff-on-noodles, occasionally stuff-on-bread, but mostly stuff-on-rice. For those meals, this has been my go-to sauce for the past few weeks because it’s insanely easy to make, requires no cooking and works on pretty much anything. Only one ingredient note! You GOTTA use a good peanut butter. If you can find a deep roast variety (I’m OBSESSED with Manilife Deep Roast Crunchy) then you’re quids in! The entire recipe is just:

2 tbsp chunky, deep roast peanut butter
1 tbsp gochujang paste
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp lime juice
1 tbsp crispy chilli oil (like Lao Gan Ma, or my delicious garlicky homemade version)
2 tbsp water

Mix everything together and pour over tofu, tempeh, salad and more. Use it as a dip for dumplings or spring rolls. Spread it inside a baguette next time you make banh mi! It’s really quite wonderful.

I Made Some Fridge Magnets

I’m going home this weekend for Easter with my family. We’re not religious, but Easter is a big deal in the UK, plus my nieces and nephews get time off school. I got a bunch of fillable little eggs, for us to do an egg hunt with, around my mum’s garden (weather permitting 🤞) and I filled a bunch with sweets and vegan chocolate.

But I also wanted to put some stuff in the eggs that would last past Easter. Something they can look at/use every day. So naturally, I made some food-themed polymer clay fridge magnets.

These literally took me all week, so please be kind about them 🤣. I’m no sculptor, but I’m happy with how they turned out (the blueberry cheesecake is my favourite) and I think my family will have fun finding them and putting the set together. Maybe I’ll extend the set for every holiday?

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This Week’s Recipe: Miso Cauliflower Pasta Bake With White Beans

(With Downloadable PDF Version)